Zadok's Hints and Tips


Before you start reading through this list, have you read the FAQ? It's where a lot of the common newbie questions are answered. If you haven't, go to my links page and read it now (from the main Discworld page) as I try not to repeat topics discussed there. Use your back button to return to this page.
 

Notes on Hints and Tips

Unless stated, any mention of street names etc. refers to Ankh-Morpork.
The "Top" hyperlink returns you here.
Links to separate pages are clearly marked. Use the back button on your browser to return here.
Commands that you type in are 'enclosed in inverted commas and written in fixed width type'
As this is a newbie guide, the one phrase that is not cross-linked in the text is "newbie" itself, as it occurs so often!

Index

7a
Buying Lives
Buying Special Items
Communicating
Death with a capital D
Dying
Enchanted Items
Equipment
    The most important piece of kit
    Choosing a Weapon
    Selecting Your Armour
    Fixing
Etiquette
Experience
Fencing
Fixing Equipment
God Squad, the
Healing
Hit Points (HP)
How to be Evil (On Priesthood of Sek page)
Ignoring Idiots
Jail
Killing Stuff
        Combat Commands
        Looting and Disposing of the Corpse
        Words of Warning
        Killing Shopkeepers
LAG, the
Learning Skills
Money
        How to get it
        Where to keep it
        Currency
Navigation and Getting Around
        Maps
        Urchins and Guides
        Carriages
        Your Fairy Godmother
Newbie defined
Priest's Guild, joining (See Priesthood of Sek page)
Passages and Portals
Quests
Shopping
"Something itches..."
Stashing your stuff
Talker, the
TM (Wooo!)
Reboots (or "Weeboots")
Replaying Conversations
Travelling Shop (t-shop)
Where do I buy...(Shopping)
XP
Vaults, the (Stashing your stuff)
 

7a

What's all this 7a business? Well, for those of you who haven't read the books, there is a magical number which is the number of Bel-Shamharoth, the Soul Eater.
"His number lyeth between seven and nine; it is twice four".
Rincewind's room number in his hall of residence had been 7a. He hadn't been surprised.
(The Colour of Magic).
Saying it aloud invokes the Soul Render, and "You'll be eight alive" as they say. Well, actually it just exits the game, just like quit. Sometimes you'll hear people do this by shouting eig... err, 7a. 

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Buying Lives

You'll need two or three royals for your first life. (Quick, someone resuscitate that newbie!) Go to the Temple of Small Gods (on the Street of Small Gods). Enter the temple, go East to enter the gardens, then south until you come to a fountain with a fountain of Pishe. Use the command 'toss 1 royal into fountain'. You'll be given an indication that you're on the right track. Repeat until Pishe grants you an extra life. You will be weakened by this - see healing. After the first couple of lives, they begin to get more expensive.

Important: Buying lives temporarily drains Constitution. You should not buy another life if your constitution is too low. The general consensus seems to be that a constitution score of 6 is the minimum you need. I'd suggest 7a to be on the safe side!

See also hit points, currency


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Buying Special Items

Well, not necessarily "special", but useful stuff to know about.

There is a player run shop 2S 1W from outside the drum where the owner will enchant any item to become a talker for $1. You too can have a talking metal protective. Apart from interesting the ladies, this can give you something to do if you get chucked in jail ('cos they take your talker stick off you).

There is a player run shop in the Warrior's Guild W, S, SW from outside the Drum. Type 'list' to see what's in stock - you can often find some very nice equipment in here if you have the money. You can also sell equipment to the shop if it's a bit special. What I mean is that run of the mill daggers, foils etc. will probably not be accepted (though this seems to be changing now that Ded has taken over and it's gone down-market <g>). Browse the list to see the sort of thing the shop sells. Read the board ('read board') for the full rundown on how the shop operates. Check my links page (Bows & Ammo section) for the buying prices at the shop (remember that Ded adds a percentage before reselling).

There's also a little shop which you should be aware of called the "Get 'Em While You Can" shop on the East side of the Plaza of Broken Moons. If you browse the stock in there, you probably won't be able to imagine why I bothered making a special point of mentioning it.

See also shopping


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Communicating

There are a number of ways to get your message across.The most commonly used are:

'say <something>' sends your message to everyone in the room (everyone at your current location);
'lsay <something>' (loud say) sends your message to everyone in the room, and rooms in your immediate area;
'shout <something>' sends your message to everyone in a wide area.

These three are broadcast commands, if you like. Everyone can hear them, although even shouts are limited in range, and to be honest, lots of people constantly shouting is a pain. A similar broadcast can be achieved by using the talker. For the more personal touch, use:

'tell <player> <something>' person-to-person communication with unlimited range.

There are also soul commands, like smile; wave; grin and even moon. Use 'look at soul' for the list of soul commands available to you. 


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Death with a capital D

For those who are unfamiliar with the Discworld books, you might be wondering what the deal is with Death, i.e. why he is treated like a person. Well, he is, sort of, though he describes himself as an "ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION". He is a great believer in the personal touch, and he will turn up in the fl...err...bone when you die, though perhaps in the future the Creators will let Mort go and do "THE DUTY" instead.

Death alone speaks in caps. Unless you enjoy lots of people immediately jumping on the bandwagon and telling you "help capslock" "help caps" "help capslock you moron" you might want to give it a miss yourself. Unless you want to wind them up that is. 


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Dying

Death comes to us all, although for most of us it isn't to offer us a job... Fortunately on the Disc we have several lives to go through before the final curtain, and can always buy some more. If Death should lay his calcareous digits upon your shoulder, you need to get back to the land of the living, which can be done in a number of ways.

1. A priest can raise you.
2. A Pishite priest can resurrect you - this way you get to keep some of your XPs.
3. You can float along to the temple of Small Gods in Ankh-Morpork. Go upstairs and find Harry, who will raise you (just like option 1, but you know exactly where to get it). That is, unless some antisocial lout has killed him. (See killing shopkeepers). The only other place I know of for this outside of AM is in KLK. Look for Ptamney in the temple of Sessifet.

The Resurrections and Recovery Unit are a group who are dedicated to helping you out of the messes that you get yourself in. They may be able to help you get your gear back in the event of being killed in some of the more lethal areas you might foolishly wander into (e.g.. The Shades). I can attest to their help in this regard, recently having rashly decided that a level 70 priest should have nothing to fear in The Shades, wandering in without casting any protection and feeling that bony digit tap me on the shoulder approximately 60 seconds later, spending most of the intervening time running away from a large group of trolls, thugs and other assorted lowlifes while desperately trying to find the way out. Brother Fresno kindly got me all my stuff back, told me that newbies really shouldn't go in there and laughed at my weapon. *Blush*. Some of them don't charge you anything, but if someone takes time to help you, they really do deserve something. Don't be tight fisted. Type 'refer rru' for more details, or check my links page for their web site. 


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Enchanted Items

Once you've got yourself some reasonably decent weapons and armour (stuff you'll hold onto for a while) you might want to consider getting them enchanted by a wizard or witch. Why? Enchanted items are more durable, so you get more wear out of them before they need fixing. The weapons are more powerful, and you'll TM a little more easily.

Enchantments come in two flavours, stable and unstable. A stable enchantment is, as I recall, up to enchantment level 3 or 4. Beyond this, the enchantment is unstable, which means that the level of enchantment gradually decays until it reaches the highest stable level. Personally I don't bother with unstable enchantments, but it could be useful to enchant an item to the max for one off "specials".

You might be lucky and find someone who will perform a stable enchantment for free - usually outside the Drum, which tends to act as an unofficial "newbie area". More often though, you'll have to pay a few dollars for the service. It's worth it. I am certain you will have to pay for high level (unstable) enchantments. 


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Equipment

Some of the most frequently asked questions concern equipment: what you should have, what is the "best" weapon and armour and so on. Here is my attempt to answer what is actually a difficult question, but first I would point out that I am speaking from the POV of a warrior-type priest. Having said this, until you rearrange your stats, every newbie is the same as far as stats are concerned, which means you can all carry the same weight, have the same natural combat bonus and have the same number of hit points per level.

The subsections below are out of alphabetical sequence, but are in order of importance IMHO.
 

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The most important piece of kit

For the hour 0 newbie, I would say that the most important piece of kit is actually a backpack, satchel or similar, preferably large. The reason being, you will not accumulate XP in large numbers without killing stuff (characters with spell abilities will find that casting spells give some XP as well) but the equipment you tend to have initially is whatever you find in the street, which is in atrocious condition and is therefore next to useless. What you need is better gear, and you won't get that without money. Read the section on Money, how to get it, and you'll see why a nice big backpack is so important. However, before you think: "Well, if one is good, then two will be even better!", note that wearing two backpacks/satchels etc. will lower your DEX by one.

Now don't get disheartened. Everyone started in this position, but you'll soon manage to scrape up a few dollars by finding things to sell. Please don't stoop to begging from other players, as a smack in the chops with a katana often decapitates.

Once you've got a few dollars, the next item on your list (after the backpack or whatever) is a weapon. See choosing a weapon below. Armour can wait for a little while, until you move on from killing cockroaches and rats. Wear whatever you can find. However, once you've bought your first weapon, it might be time to consider some armour. See selecting your armour below. 


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Choosing a Weapon

'Here.' Boy Willie handed the teacher a spare sword. He hefted it.
'Er. I expect there's a manual, or something?'
'Manual? No. You hold the blunt end and poke the other end at people.'
(Interesting Times)
If you want to drool over all sorts of swords; glaives; spears; hammers and balls with spiky bits, go to my links page and look under Bows 'n' Ammo,  where you will find a site which lists pretty much every weapon and reviews their effectiveness. However, before you do a Nobby Nobbs and stock up with everything (see Men At Arms) let me introduce a note of sanity here. It doesn't matter how wonderful your weapon is if you don't have the skills to match, so don't whip out your big chopper unless you know how to use it. No comments, please.

My suggestion? Stick to some nice, ordinary weapons for a while. Remember, the more fancy weapons cost a good deal more.  At this stage, the important thing is that you've got something in Excellent condition, in whichever skill area you want to develop (Blunt; Sharp; Piercing). A reasonable weapon to start with for your average fighter or cleric is a Long Sword if you want to use a shield, or a Bastard Sword if you want to trade the extra protection of a shield for the extra power of a two-handed weapon. Using the Long Sword, you will TM advance in two combat skills (sharp and pierce) while the Bastard Sword only uses sharp. These are by no means the best weapons, but they are reasonably priced and will get the job done - as long as you do not get too ambitious!
 

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Selecting Your Armour

'Here, you'll need this too,' said Caleb, poking something round at him as they stepped into the grey light. 'It's a shield.'
'Ah, it's to protect myself, yes?'
'If you really need to, bite the edge.'
'Oh, I know about that,' said Mr Saveloy. 'That's when you go berserk, yes?'
'Could be, could be,' said Caleb. 'That's why a lot of fighters do it. But personally I do it 'cos it's made of chocolate.'
'Chocolate?'
'You can never get a proper meal in these battles.'
(Interesting Times)
The advice is very similar to choosing a weapon, and there is an excellent site which rates all the different types of armour - see Bows 'n' Ammo on my links page. The best armour is out of your initial price range. Whatever you buy, it should be in Excellent condition (i.e. it is new or good as new). If it's in a shop, use 'browse <item>' to check the price and its state of repair. If someone offers you a suspiciously good deal on some armour ("Pssst! Wanna buy a Grflx Scale for $5?") then it's probably either stolen off another player or it's totally knackered. Beware. There are some astoundingly generous people out there who will go out of their way to help others and will give you the deal of a lifetime, but generally you get what you pay for. (Just a a little aside, when I last died and lost my body, one amazingly kind lady who I will not name gave me her Iron Gauntlets because I'd lost mine, and said "If you come across another pair, let me have them back"! Needless to say I bought another pair and gave her gauntlets back ASAP).

In the case of armour, I would start out with whatever I can find in the street - it's good enough for killing cockroaches and rats - but get something in reasonable condition before you go much further than that. Below are some starters. I'm not claiming that these are always the best armour, but I've listed items that are usually readily available and reasonably priced.

1. You can sometimes find Hard Leather Boots in very good condition at General stores (looted off Hells Grannies) and these are nice armour for your feet, though they probably don't suit thieves or assassins.
2. You can often pick up a Short Scaly Robe at a reasonable price, and I would go for this - it is very good armour and protects a good portion of your body, and it will serve as your main piece of armour for a good while.
3. A pair of leather breeches will do for a start for your legs (you'll be able to find these lying around, though usually not in good condition). To be honest, they aren't much good, but other leg armour is harder to get.
4. A helm is required.  You can buy a metal helm which is OK, but you'll often see Horned Dwarven Helmets in the general stores, these are very good - buy one and keep it in good condition and as with the Scaly Robe it will serve you for a long time.
5. Some gauntlets are needed for your hands. Metal are good, steel are better (and lighter).

The better stuff (for later):

Gigantic Dog Collar - excellent neck protection
Heavy Face Mask - good armour for the face
Grflx Scale - good armour, but doesn't protect as many locations as the Scaly Robe. However, unlike with the Robe, you can wear the:
Fluffy Cloak - good armour and excellent in winter for its warming properties
Priests - better foot armour.
 

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Fixing Equipment

Once you've got your shiny new kit, you should look after it. Its condition gradually deteriorates as you hit people with it or people hit you! What you need to know is that as the condition of your equipment deteriorates, its effectiveness decreases.

You can fix up equipment that is in less than excellent condition. The most common requirement is to repair armour and weapons. To do this, you need to know the 'fix' command, but you need to be level 10 in crafts.smithing.black before you can learn it. When you are, just ask on the talker and I'm sure someone will teach it to you, though be aware that you need to have quite a high bonus to make it practical to fix stuff in bad condition.. You fix armour and weaponry at the blacksmiths, along with certain items of jewellery. There is one on Filigree Street, 2W 1N from outside the Drum.

Now, because getting to level 10 in blacksmithing is probably not at the top of a newbie's priority list, there is a tendency for newbies to hang around in the blacksmiths, holding a bloody big sword which they like the look of (like a katana) which they found in the street and is in an absolutely diabolical state of repair, asking characters if they can fix it. If you don't have smithing skills, you're probably unaware that fixing costs gold for raw materials. The more expensive the item, and the more dilapidated its condition, the more it costs to repair. Also, unless you have a high level of skill, it can take multiple attempts (all of which cost money) to fix up an item. A katana, which costs $120 at WHL's Martial Arts shop, will cost a fair proportion of its total value to fix if it is in "found it in the street" condition. This helps explain the sort of things that newbies get told when they ask people "Can you fix my Katana?", though actually I would suggest you ignore their kind advice and use a regular scabbard.

BTW, please don't ask me to fix your stuff. I sell weapons and armour! I might consider a part-exchange if my stocks are low though. 


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Etiquette

This may be the most contentious section of my guide, as what is considered 'acceptable' can vary greatly. What I have listed are views which I believe are shared by many on the Disc, but are ultimately just IMHO.

<rant>

The most important thing to remember is this - it is not just a game. The Discworld MUD is a society, which in many aspects mirrors RL. This concept should be the key to your conduct on the Disc. Rude, antisocial louts are an unfortunate part of life in our other existences, and it a great pity that some of them decide to live on the Disc as well. I would imagine there are few people who take pleasure in encountering such yobs in either existence.

Therefore, how you deal with other players is very important. I am amazed at the way some people treat another player who they require assistance from! Personally, I would say that if someone asks me to do something; doesn't get an immediate response because there is appalling lag and so starts trying out the miserable end of the soul commands on me, they should not be surprised if I leave them hanging. Am I missing the point here? If someone is rude to me, does that really mean that I should immediately labour to assist them in every way possible? Sheesh, have I got the wrong end of the stick or what? I know from reading the refer information of some very helpful players that even they are getting a little hacked off at this sort of thing. What also burns my arse is the fact that when you're genuinely busy doing something else, you get sulked at if you can't offer immediate help. "Please" and "Thank you" tend to help matters along as well.

So, be nice to people. It doesn't matter what your character alignment is. I'm tired of the "I'm only roleplaying" excuse. You can be a totally evil character and yet be a nice player. Take your treatment of NPCs, for example. There are some that are basically put there for you to kill, and they are fair game. It won't affect another player if you do so (other than the fact that they can't kill the NPC themselves). There are some where killing them will have a knock-on effect on other players. Shopkeepers spring to mind. Leaving these NPCs alone so they can provide a service to other players is a socially responsible act. Good for you.

For those who insist on "roleplaying" their evil character, then try this for size: societies defend themselves from people like you in two or three ways:

1. They can exclude you. News of people like you tends to spread. You might be a nasty little shit in real life as well, in which case you'll be used to having no friends, but don't forget that occasionally you're going to need something from someone else.

I'm toying with the idea of a Hall of Shame for people who seem to make it their mission to make everyone else's Discworld experience as unpleasant as possible. Feel free to email or tell me what you think about this, or to name any possible entrants.

2. They can incarcerate you. The Discworld already does this in its mild little way if you're caught by the watch. What I only recently discovered, never having played this character type, is that shopkeeper-killers are often thieves who get caught stealing and kill rather than spending 15 minutes in jail. You antisocial gits. What I'd like to see is for the watch to be automatically called when people attack shopkeepers, and perhaps even a special escape-proof jail with a longer prison term. Don't think something won't happen - I know a number of people are getting steamed up about this particular issue and I'm sure this all gets back to the Creators.

3. The ultimate punishment. Why shouldn't there be a death penalty (apart from the usual, that is!) for certain actions on the Disc?

Preachy? Hey, I'm a priest. I'm only roleplaying.

</rant>
 

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Fencing

No, not prancing around playing at fighting, but selling stolen goods. Go to the Thieves Guild on the Street of Alchemists. From outside the Drum, that's 5E, NE, E, 2NE, N, W. Look for an NPC called Jim. (If he isn't there, some sociopath has killed him - see killing shopkeepers -  and you'll have to go and do something else for 10-15 minutes until he regenerates). Use the command 'fence <item> to jim'. He'll offer you a price. 'say yes' to accept, 'say no' to reject. 

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God Squad, the

So, you think that killing NPC priests is an easy option do you? Let me introduce you to Diego Montoya, Rixacardo, Septa DeBlano, Freda Glottik and Fujyama Osanawa. These killers hang out in a training room in the Temple of Small Gods, waiting to dash out whenever a priest is being attacked. If you're going to try and kill a priest in Ankh-Morpork, you'd better do it quickly before these bruisers get on the scene.

While we're on about killing priests, if you should venture abroad and go to Djelibaybi (KLK) don't attack the priests (or the cats) unless you want to be fed to the crocodiles. 


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Healing

There will be times when you are weakened from wounds suffered in combat of from the effects of certain magics - for example when you buy extra lives. There are two priestly rituals that can help you.

Cure rituals regenerate lost hit points
Restore regenerates lost CONstitution as well

If you can't cast these and no-one will cast them on you, you might have to hang out in Brother David's for a while. Go to the crossroad where Short Street meets the Street of Small Gods / Attic Bee Street, go S then E. Resting in here helps you heal at a faster rate. It is also a sanctuary where you can rest without fear of attack. 


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Hit Points

A measure of the amount of damage you can take before you die. Initially you have 500hp and can add to them by advancing your other.health skill. See Learning Skills

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Ignoring Idiots

Occasionally you will get a real idiot burbling away on a talker. If it gets on your nerves, simply type 'ignore <name>' to filter this person out. 

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Jail

Get caught fighting by the Watch and you'll end up here, unless you can manage to evade capture. If you land in here, you're stuck for 15 minutes real time, and this goes awfully slow because they take your talker stick off you. So, first suggestion - get someone to magic you up an alternative talker beforehand.

Once you're in jail, hopefully still with a talker, if you want to get out more quickly you can try picking the lock if you're a thief, or portal out if you're a priest or wizard. If you fall into the category of "none of the above", or don't have the skills, you could ask on channel one if anyone could come and get you out, or try shouting for help. Characters are quite often willing to come and try to get people out of jail! 


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Killing Stuff

Combat for the newbie can be rather dangerous. Virtually everything is more powerful than you, and your armour and weapons are often things you found in the street (and are therefore next to useless). One of your top priorities should be acquiring enough money to buy some new kit. See money

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Combat Commands

There are a number of commands which you need to know. A very important one is the consider command. Use this to weigh up your opponent. For example, if you're not sure whether you are capable of taking on that rat which just scurried out of the gutter, type 'consider rat'. If there is more than one rat, you'll have to be more specific - 'consider rat 1'.

You'll also need to know about the various attitudes you can take in combat You can be offensive, neutral or defensive. When you are on the offensive, you go all out to win at the expense of blocking/parrying etc. On the defensive, you concentrate on protecting yourself and get few blows in on your opponent. With a neutral attitude, you take a balanced approach.

When you start your adventuring career, your attitude will be set to neutral. However, if you have spent ages trying to kill a cockroach without success (possibly with a bunch of more experienced players watching you and sniggering) you might want to ask yourself this question: "Do I really need to worry about parrying blows from this bug?" You'll probably find that going offensive produces gratifying results.

The commands are:

'options combat tactics attitude=offensive'
'options combat tactics attitude=neutral'
'options combat tactics attitude=defensive'

and you can change tactics at any time.
 

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Looting and Disposing of the Corpse

When you actually manage to kill something, you'll first want to loot the corpse if it's carrying anything useful. Use 'get all from corpse'. Obviously rats and cockroaches don't carry equipment and neither do children, but other NPCs often have a few coins or something that can be sold. After this, you need to dispose of the body to get your full amount of experience points. Use 'bury corpse'. If you are a priest, your priesthood will have a special ritual for this which you should use as it brings you fractionally more into correct alignment (for other alignment techniques, see How to be Evil on my Priests page). For example, Sekites use 'ensumpf corpse'.

Actually, I've noticed recently that some children are now carrying a little pocket money. Awww, bless... Kill 'em.

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Words of Warning

Select your targets carefully. Remember, you are weak, poorly armoured, badly armed and this is Ankh-Morpork. A common newbie error is to pick on the pairs of old ladies who wander around gossiping to each other. Major mistake. They are Hells Grannies and are best left well alone initially. In fact, any group of similar characters (old ladies; mother-in-law; mean mercenaries etc.) need to be handled with care, as if you attack one of them the whole group will attack you. Stick to 'roaches and rats for your first few levels. Children are also an easy target, but there are alignment issues to consider here. See How to be Evil on my Priests page.

Attacking trolls with sharp weapons is a great way to knacker up your beautiful long-short combination (katana-wakizashi). After all, they are made of stone. Use blunt weapons. Actually, attacking trolls as a newbie is a great way to get yourself killed as well, unless you attack the pebbles (kids).

You need to be aware of who is nearby when you enter combat. Certain NPCs will react adversely to your aggression.

God Squad, the

Watch, the

Kess of Sek: A psychopathic bitch this one. If she sees you fighting, she goes into berserker mode. She'll attack your opponent and you. I got on the wrong side of her as a newbie and got killed; got raised and went back to my body to get my stuff; she was waiting for me and killed me again! I've hated her ever since.

Some guy whose name I can't remember:  That should worry you. Same as Kess.

Hermits: Fortunately only found in the Oasis, these guys react extremely negatively to your attacking anyone in the room. Don't even think of messing them around.

My Kess of Sek example should act as a warning to you: dashing back to your corpse can get you killed again. Cowardice should prevail here - ask another player nicely if they will go and look to see if that nasty NPC is lurking around your bod. They might even offer to give the NPC a good kicking for you!
 

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Killing Shopkeepers

There are some players who don't think that there is anything wrong with killing shopkeepers. Hey, they're just another NPC right? Wrong. A shop without a shopkeeper is useless - you can't buy from it, you can't sell to it. It is incredibly selfish for players to kill shopkeepers just because they don't need to buy anything from the shop. In fact I feel so strongly about this that anyone I find doing it gets put on a list of people who will be First Against the Wall When the Revolution Comes, and more importantly who I will never offer any help to again.

By the way, those rooms in the temples with the little boxes? They're shops too. I just thought I'd point that out to the twat who keeps killing the priest in the Temple of Sek shop. One day I'll find out who it is, and 'glare' him back to the stone age.

Worst of all, there are actually people who kill Harry in the Temple of Small Gods. If you find anyone doing this you should name and shame them on channel one of the talker. ANYONE so appallingly antisocial as to kill an NPC that a character might desperately need in order to get back to his/her body before their kit disappears deserves your utmost contempt.

You might have gathered that I don't like shopkeeper killers.
 

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LAG, the

The Jargon Dictionary defines lag as: "A condition that occurs when the delays in the IRC network or on a MUD become severe enough that servers briefly lose and then re-establish contact, causing messages to be delivered in bursts, often with delays of up to a minute". However, belief is a powerful force (read Small Gods) and the widely held opinion that 'The Lag' is a malign force that manifests itself at the worst possible moment has given rise to The LAG, an NPC who wanders around Ankh-Morpork, hunted by vengeful players seeking some measure of recompense for losing their lives and all their equipment due to extreme lagginess. When you hear people shouting for The LAG, it's because he always shouts back and gives away his position. Now, it doesn't take that much figuring out to reason that when the mud lags, and all the LAG groupies immediately shout "LAG!", it will only add to the general lagginess. Oh, and he's often invisible, in which case all the yelling will avail you of nothing.

Unfortunately, however many times he is killed, The LAG always returns to taunt the player.
 
 

Oh, how I hate you LAG…

A 'venturing went a cleric bold,
For that that glitters but is not gold,
Where brigands and fell creatures prowl,
In the gloomy forest where the wild wolves howl.

The riddles they were duly read,
Some things were done that can't be said,
A gaping cavern our hero saw,
And bravely went into its maw.

A hideous monster there arose,
And then for Zadok, time just froze,
Attempts to move did not prevail,
Commands to heal did not avail.

And then he came out of his daze,
Beheld the object
of his horrified gaze,
His body lay in a silicon maze.

My Iron Gauntlets,
my Grflx Scale,
my Fluffy Cloak,
my Silver Flail;
my Katana and Waki',
my magic rings,
my 'Strange Device',
my passaging things;
my black medallion,
my talking jockstrap too -
I lost them all because of you…

YOU BASTARD! I KEEEL YOU LAG!


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Learning Skills

Your guild is where you will begin to learn the skills you need to survive on the Disc. However, guilds specialise in certain skills, and other proficiencies are not well catered for. You can check what are the core skills for your chosen profession by going to the guild room and using the command 'info'. These core skills are those that your guild will be able to teach you up to level 300, with any others your guild can only provide a very rudimentary training. In these cases, if you need the skills, you'll have to advance them elsewhere once you've maxed them at your guild.

Players will quite often be more than willing to teach you skills. This will cost you XP just like at the guild, but players will not (usually) charge you. They get something out of it, as they gain some experience by teaching you the skills. You should look for someone with at least double your bonus in the skill you want to advance. Note that learning from a player is more expensive than learning from your guild, so max your chosen skill at the guild before going elsewhere for instruction.

If you want me to teach you, go back to my main page and view my skills. If I don't have over double your bonus, look elsewhere (I could teach you, but it will cost more than someone with the higher bonus). Incidentally, you don't have to insist that someone has a massively high bonus to teach you - if they are +2x your bonus the training is as good as you will get.

Just a quick note here - it can be very hard to find someone with double your bonus in certain skills, usually because these skills have limited uses, and therefore people only advance them to the minimum amount required. Someday you'll understand what I mean...

You might hear Lanfear announce that she is training in Brother David's. She is a good trainer with high stats. Lanfear has an automated system in operation. Type 'tell lanfear teach me <skill>' when you are in the same room as her. I've also found Gungho to be a decent bloke who seems willing to train whenever I've needed it - he seems to spend a lot of time in KLK or the Oasis. There are plenty of others who are willing to train you - put a message on talker channel one, but please don't constantly spam the channel if you don't get a response.

If you're really desperate to learn skills, you can teach yourself. This costs the most XP however. At least you don't have to pay yourself for your trouble.

See also TM (Wooo!).
 

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Money


...Makes the Disc go round (or something). You need money to advance your skills at your guild; buy better equipment and buy lives. For the newbie, scraping together a few dollars just to buy a semi-decent weapon can be quite a challenge.
 

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How to get it

For the newbie, mugging NPCs and stealing their dosh is probably not an option at first. After all, it can take 10 minutes just to stamp on a cockroach. You'll have to swallow your pride and scavenge in the gutter, pawing through the rubbish like a starving racoon.

In the street, use the 'search' command. You'll come up with one of the following:

1. Nothing
2. Some decaying rubbish. You'll smell awful for a while afterwards, but this doesn't have any real effect. (I think the Creators should make it so that people who smell of garbage are irresistible to gnolls). "I l'v 'u. I w'nt to h'v y'r ch'ld'r'n. R'w".
3. A rat or a cockroach. Oooh goody, something to kill! See killing stuff.
4. Money. Usually a penny, very occasionally a dollar. A royal if you're really really lucky (but don't hold your breath).
5. Equipment. Almost always in very poor/atrocious condition. Be aware that equipment in such condition is almost useless. OK, it's better than nothing, but only just. The best thing to do is sell it. Check out your map and head for the nearest general store, then 'sell <item>'. You can use  'sell all', but be careful - you will attempt to sell everything you are holding unless you have previously used the command 'keep <item>' and that item has not left your person since (eg. you haven't dropped it, put in a vault etc.).Some things you won't be able to sell - usually because they're worthless or because they're in such poor condition. Occasionally you might find a suspiciously new item just dumped on the ground which you are unable to sell. If you're using 'sell all', try selling that item on its own - you might be told that it is stolen. See fencing.

Tip. If you find a backpack or satchel, keep it, wear it and use it to keep stuff in, until you have the spare cash to buy a nice shiny new one - you'll be able to carry more things so you can spend more time scavenging and less time running to the shop. The relevant commands (assuming it's a backpack) are 'open backpack'; 'close backpack'; 'put <item> in backpack'; 'get <item> from backpack'.

Should you, by incredible good fortune, come across some really decent equipment in excellent condition - well it probably belongs to someone else. If you find it on their body, that's usually a pretty good indication. You will not endear yourself to others if you cash in on people's misfortune.
 

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Where to keep it

Initially, you might find that a surplus of cash is not a problem which affects you. As fast as you earn it, you're spending it on weapons or armour or to advance your skills at the guild. However, there can come a time when all that cash can be burdensome - sometimes because although you only have a few dollars, it's all in pennies. When you sell something in a shop and the shopkeeper dumps your money on the floor because you can't fit it in your purse, you know it's time to do something.

Option 1. Visit the money changer. There's one near the top end of the Street of Small Gods, just south of the Plaza of Broken Moons. For a percentage, he'll convert your pennies into dollars.

Option 2. Open a bank account. You'll need one eventually to store all your loot. Unfortunately the bank charges a fee to open the account - $5 as I recall. They also charge a percentage on all deposits, although they kindly allow you to take your money out again for free. There are two banks in Ankh-Morpork:

Bings: Located on Upper Broadway (just off the Street of Small Gods). They charge 5% on deposits.

Lancrastrian Co-Op Bank: Located on God Street near the Ephebian Embassy (from the Street of Small Gods, follow Temple Cut north to get to God Street or go up Leaden Lane). They charge 10%. The advantage is that if you go to Lancre or Ohulan Cutash (OC) you can draw on your account at the bank there, and withdraw it in the local currency. Likewise you can deposit your Lancre lucre in the local branch and withdraw it in good old dollars when you're back in Ankh-Morpork.
 

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Currency


Ankh-Morpork:

100 pennies = 1 dollar
100 dollars = 1 royal
 

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Navigation and Getting Around

Besides asking a friendly priest or wizard for a passage or portal, there are other things you need to know about getting around:

Maps

You really should be using a map to find your way around Ankh-Morpork and the rest of the Disc. Check out my links page for details of sites with Disc maps.
 
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Urchins and Guides

Urchins and guides can be found all around Ankh-Morpork. For example, urchins can be found in the Drum and in the centre of Sator Square if they're not out helping another player. If you ask an urchin to take you somewhere - 'say take me to <place>' - he will do so. Guides are not quite so helpful, but will give you directions to a place if you ask them where it is. The service is free.
 
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Carriages

There is a carriage service which runs two routes around Ankh-Morpork. You can tell you are at a carriage stop because the description says "There is an interesting table on the wall". One of the creators must have been a spotter... Read the table if you want to know the route. There's a carriage stop on Attic Bee Street, somewhere.

Not many people bother with the local carriage service. However, there's the Lancre coach service which leaves from outside the Acme Carriage Company at the Street of Small Gods / Upper Broadway junction if you want to travel to foreign parts. It makes a round trip to Lancre and back and makes stops along the way. As this page is aimed mainly at newbies, I should warn you to think carefully before leaving the safety (!) of Ankh-Morpork.

Both services are free. You can go into the Acme Carriage Co. offices for details of all three routes, though unfortunately you can't get arrival times of the Lancre coach.
 

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Your Fairy Godmother

If you're really lost or trapped (for example you've somehow managed to get into the Ankh-Morpork mansion and have now found that you can't open the door to get out) you can call on your fairy godmother for help. Type 'godmother help' and note what she says to you. Type 'say yes' and 'think mended drum' at the appropriate times and you'll be whisked to safety. This is really designed to help hapless newbies who wander around exploring and get stuck in trap rooms. For this reason, the service is free as long as you are below level 10, after which you're supposed to be wiser and it costs hit points and guild points. If you're really high level it costs you a life. I know this because it isn't only newbies that wander around cluelessly!
 
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Newbie defined

(Adapted from the Jargon Dictionary).

newbie     /n[y]oo'bee/ n.     [very common; orig. from British public-school and military slang variant of `new boy'] A Discworld neophyte. Criteria for being considered a newbie vary wildly; a person can be called a newbie in one context while remaining a respected regular in another. The label `newbie' is sometimes applied as a (semi) serious insult to a person who has been around for a long time but who carefully hides all evidence of having a clue.

The standard DW MUD definition is that a newbie is someone who needs to ask what "newbie" means. 


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Passages/Portals

A passage or portal is a faith ritual or magic spell which transports you to another place. If you need portalling, ask once on talker channel one. If you don't get any offers, please don't spam the channel. Obviously no one wants to help you! You'll have to call for a taxi. "Taxi" characters belong to a group who will portal you, for a price. It currently costs $5.
 
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Quests

Quests are "special missions" if you like. You will have to complete a very simple quest before you can get out of the newbie area. There are lots of quests scattered around, some are reasonably easy to spot and some are less obvious.

I cannot give you quest solutions, and asking for them on the talker will only generate lots of flames. It is supposedly OK to ask for a hint or two, but some people think even this is going too far. Be warned.

So how do you find a quest? Well, one good tip is to stay alert to what other players are doing. You might see a player doing something strange (or stranger than usual) which might give you a clue that this may be quest related. Another suggestion is to visit the Apex Club (on Checker Walk just off The Maul) and look around the Hall of Heroes. Some of the statues have plinths which give a cryptic description of the quests which the character has completed, some of which might give you ideas.

What's the point? Well, the main thing is that you get the satisfaction of solving a puzzle, and you gain quest points which count towards your overall rating. Some quests reward you with useful items of equipment. A few quests also give XPs, but most do not.
 

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Reboots (or "Weeboots")

You might hear someone asking for a reboot on the talker or shouting for one. You might hear Offler the Crocodile God warning about a reboot in x minutes. If you hear Offler's warning, save and exit.

You can use the 'uptime' command to find out how long you have before the next reboot.
 

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Replaying Conversations

You may want to review the last few tells you heard or made, or the last few lines of a talker channel or a chat. Use 'talker history <channel name>' for the talker; 'hnewbie' for newbie-tells and 'htell' for tells.
 
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Shopping

Take one look at a map of Ankh-Morpork and you will (possibly) be overwhelmed by the variety of establishments available to relieve you of your gold. It can be hard to figure out where you need to go for various items. I can attest to this, having just been killed in an inaccessible place, and therefore having to equip myself again from scratch (Oh, how I hate you LAG...). Having had most of my basic gear since day one, I found I couldn't even remember where to buy a backpack.

To remedy this, here are a few hints for where to buy equipment. I might eventually do a complete listing on a separate page, but for the moment...

Armour, weapons, faith items, magic and lots of other goodies: Player shop in the Warrior's Guild off Filigree (1W 1S 1SE from outside drum). See buying special items.

Backpacks, satchels etc.: Clothes shops. There's a few scattered about - for example at the southern end of Baker St (off Small Gods) and on Smuckle Lane (that's just to the North of the Short St / Small Gods cross-roads).

Scabbards: There's a scabbard shop on Heroes St, but as I recall you can't get Oriental scabbards there - you have to go to the scabbard shop in the SW corner of KLK market for those (Katana, Wakizashi etc. Waaahh! Sob!). For those very special weapons, there is a Deluxe Scabbard shop in the NE corner of the same market. It can be interesting just to browse this stock, as it will clue you in on the various "specials" available. Of course, you have to get to KLK...

See also the Player Shop entry on my links page (Bows & Ammo section) for the buying prices at the shop. I've included this so you can gauge what is a reasonable price if a player offers to sell you some kit.
 

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Something itches...

You've got fleas. Bathe at the public baths on Smittle's Way (off Short Street). Do it now please - don't spread 'em around.
 
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Stashing your stuff

You can only carry so much gear, even with lots of strength and using backpacks, satchels and so on. Look in your backpack, and you'll probably find some stuff that you're sure must have some sort of use, but at the moment you can't quite figure out what. You'd hate to throw away an item that you'll need later, but all that junk is weighing you down, right?

What you need is a vault to store your excess baggage in until you find a use for it. There are two vaults in Ankh-Morpork. The first is on Five Ways (at the eastern end of Quarry Lane). The other is on Turnwise Broadway - 1NE 1SE 1D from outside the Town Cryers' Office. There is a one off charge for opening an 'account' at each vault, and you are charged a few pennies every time you use the facility.

Your vault is not of limitless size though, so you'll eventually fill it. There are additional vaults in Ohlan Cutash (OC) and KLK. Check your maps. For those of us who can passage/portal, these are very useful for storing extra goodies.

Tip: One thing that a priest should definitely store is a duplicate set of portal objects. I didn't, and regretted it. I'm now having to revisit all my old portal locations the hard way because I lost all my equipment. I'll be toting a bagful of consecrated items around with me for a while and casting remember place twice, putting the duplicate in storage. I just wish I'd done this the first time. Oh, and if you store the duplicates away from Ankh-Morpork, make sure to make a duplicate copy of the item which keys to the remote location and store this in Ankh-Morpork!

Oh yes, one other thing. As far as I can recall, you shouldn't store something in something else (nested items) in a vault, so don't bung all your gear in a backpack and put that in the vault. If you're storing a weapon and scabbard, unsheathe the weapon before placing them both in the vault. I'll confirm that and update this section ASAP.
 

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Talker, the

The standard talker is a little stick which allows you to chat on various channels. You will have been issued with a voucher when you first entered the Discworld which you can exchange for a talker at the Novelty Shop on Filigree Street 2S 1E from outside the Drum ('exchange voucher for talker'). Use the command 'help talker' for the full range of commands available.

Should you lose your talker, or have it taken off you when you get thrown in jail, you can buy a replacement at the Novelty Shop for 50p. Alternatively, you can have an item enchanted as a talker for $1 which should not get taken off you.
 

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TM (Wooo!)

As in "X wisps: Wooo! TM in other.irritating.others!" or whatever. They are talking about getting a message that says "You feel your skill with <item/skill> has increased" or something along those lines. This means that they have managed to increase a skill through the Task Master system.

The Task Master is the mechanism through which you gain skill levels by actually performing the skill, rather than learning it at the guild or from other players. It works on a sliding scale, with early low level increases being reasonably easy to attain, but requiring more and more use of the skill to gain each subsequent TM increase. Note that this means that if you buy your skills at low level, it will take longer for subsequent TMs as you are advancing from a higher level.

See also Learning Skills.
 

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Travelling Shop (t-shop)

Soon after starting your life on the Disc, you will hear people shouting "Where is the t-shop?" They want to find the Travelling Shop (from The Light Fantastic) because it sells all sorts of useful goodies (the stock is constantly changing) or possibly for other reasons. The shop moves randomly - around Ankh-Morpork and to other locations on the Disc - every 5 minutes or so.

For the newbie, the shop is really not very important - the stuff it sells is often way beyond the capacity of your purse and you probably wouldn't know what to use it for anyway. You can sometimes pick up some useful info by hanging around and asking purchasers innocent questions about what their new possession does. If they clam up or say "I'm not allowed to tell you", well...

Priests of Sek can buy black medallions there. These medallions act as holy symbols that you can wear around your neck, so you don't have to hold them (you need a holy symbol to cast certain rituals). Just to make absolutely sure it's the right one - the design is that of the seven hands of Sek.

If you are looking for the t-shop in Anhk-Morpork, the locations that I know of are:

Street of Small Gods, 1 E of the Short Street cross-roads ( both N & S of the street)
Leaden Lane, 1 N of the Street of Small Gods (W side)
The Cham, 2N from the Plaza of Broken Moons (W side)
Tinlid Alley, 1SW 1S from God Street (W side)
God Street, 1E from Tinlid Alley junction (N side)
Fog Alley, 1NE 1E from Prog Alley junction (S side)
Prog Alley, 1S from Filigree Street (E side)
Filigree Street, at Prog Alley junction (N side)
 

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Watch, the

As well as the generic city guards, the NPCs Captain Carrot; Sgt. Colon; Sgt. Detritus; Sgt. Angua;  Cpl. Nobbs and Lance Cpl. Bauxite are also Watchmen (for those of you who haven't read the books - shame on you!). If you fight in front of a member of the Watch, they will try and arrest you for a breach of the peace and throw you in jail. As far as I can figure, the way this works you are attacked until your hit points fall below your surrender level, at which point you are incapacitated and dragged off to the cells. (For those who've read the books and are wondering - no, his Excellency Sir Samuel Vimes is not present). If you see a blonde wolf padding about, that's Angua in her other form. Behave or beware.

In the Oasis, there are a similar group who react to aggression, but with lethal force - it is not really a place for newbies.
 

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XP

Experience Points. You mostly get them from killing stuff. You also get a very gradual trickle of XP just by being logged in, but to gain XP and money you really need to be active. There are also a few quests which give XP. BTW, logging in and just doing nothing is known as idling. Idle too long and you will be disconnected.

If you die and are raised, you will lose any accumulated XP. Hey, you're alive again, aren't you? A large balance of unspent XP always seems to act as a Death magnet, so be careful.

If you are resurrected, you get to keep some of the XP. Only clerics of Pishe can perform this, unless you know someone else  with an item imbued with resurrection who's prepared to use it on you.
 

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